We start teaching our children about discipline from a very young age. We train and teach them about every hooks and hack of discipline, still, if they do not behave in a disciplined manner, we ‘punish’ them. While ‘punishment’, both physical and verbal, has become a most common option for every parent, it has got an only negative impact on a child. In fact, a child doesn’t learn the discipline, instead, he becomes insolent and unblushing. So, here the question arises: How we can make our kids disciplined without giving punishment to them. My answer is by adopting POSITIVE DISCIPLINE.
Positive discipline is a positive way of teaching a child to be disciplined. This positive discipline teaches that there are no bad kids, it is just a bad behaviour. And when we, as parents, recognize it, everything will fall into its place.
TAKE YOUR CHILD POSITIVELY
Suppose you found that your child hits his friend in front of everyone. Probably you may feel embarrassed about his behaviour. What will you do next? Perhaps, you will scold your child and will tag him as a ‘Bad Boy’.
This ‘bad boy’ tag will establish a negative image of your child in your mind as well as in your child’s mind. But, if we consider, Positive Discipline, then think for a while why your son has shown this behaviour. It can be several factors which must have influenced him to do so. The factors can be hunger, sleep, tiredness or can be anything else. According to the studies, a child hits someone only when he is irritable or want to say something. Hence, instead of scolding or screaming at him, try saying, ‘this is not a good behaviour, we never hit our friend.’
A child will reciprocate positively if we teach them positively.
DON’T TEACH HIM WHAT HE DID WRONG TEACH HIM HOW HE CAN DO IT RIGHT AGAIN
Further continuing with the above example, if we say ‘Don’t hit’ or “No hitting’, then here the child is unable to understand that why not to hit. Therefore, you should try saying, ‘Do not hit your friend, it is not a correct choice. Ask nicely and say sorry to your friend and make him feel better.’
If your child is not ready to say sorry, then you may try saying, ‘until you are ready to say sorry, we will sit here.’
We usually punish or kids for any wrong deeds but we hardly make them understand how the thing can be set to the right. Therefore, do not scream at your child when he does something wrong, instead be firm and teach him the right way of doing things.
BE FIRM AND EMPATHETIC
Our kids try to justify their wrong things which are actually not correct for others. In case, instead of raising voice and arguing back, stay firm and calm. Repeat the correct instructions without losing temper. For instance, “hitting is not correct, you should say sorry to your friend.” In most of the cases, parents need to repeat this over and over again, but the repetition has to be firm and empathetic.
SET CLEAR LIMITATIONS AND EXPECTATIONS
The basic rules of the house and the expectations have to be very clear for a kid. Otherwise, kids generally look out for the gap in between and take it for a granted. For example, give a clear instruction (gently, not rudely) to your kid that after waking up in the morning it is important to brush your teeth and get freshen up. Repeat this statement daily for the initial days, so that your kid gets familiar with this routine. If in case, your kid someday may skip brushing his teeth then do not shout at or yell at him. Teach him again and make him understand the importance of brushing the teeth.
Apart from the above-mentioned ideas, there are several other solutions too to teach kids to be disciplined and mannered in a positive way. Instead of ordering or reprimanding your kids, it is better to use single words which can be easily understanding and can also act as a reminder.
Physical punishment or abuse is no way solution to any problem. It can give you a temporary solution, but in a long run, it can make the situation more worse.
Author: Akansha Bansal
Lives with a notion “SIMPLE LIVING, HIGH THINKING” and have an optimistic approach towards life. Always eager to learn new things. She is founder of a Parenting website called Budding Star.